German TV at its Finest

I get to watch both British and German TV, and some casting shows and of course most of the American TV shows are the same.

I’d say the biggest differences can be noticed in paranormal shows – I haven’t seen one on German TV ever – and the shame-factor. You sometimes get to see naked people before 2pm on German TV.

It’s terrifying.

We Germans even have a ‘naked dating show’. At least one man and one woman (sometimes one man and 2-3 women or vice versa) are put on a lonely island. Naked. With food and condoms. And nothing is censored. Like, nothing nothing. You can even see how ‘happy’ the guy is when he sees the women. The show is on at 9:15pm. So everyone above the age of 14 gets to see d*cks and breasts without having to go on adult websites.

But compared to last night’s show… that’s nothing.

In Germany we also have an I’m a Celeb version (IBES) with German ‘stars’. Next year will be the 10th season, so the channel decided to make a summer version in which 3 people from each of the seasons get to play against each other until there’s one left, and the 9 winners get to play against each other at the final on Saturday. The winner is then allowed to go back into the camp for the 10th season in January.

The first few episodes were pretty boring. Then came yesterday… First the two guys and the ‘model’ kept screaming at each other because they apparently still hate each other? Then their challenges were shown. In one they had to melt an ice cube in a certain amount of time. First in a cooler room (probably around 8°C), the next was 0°C and the last was -18°C. In the first they managed to melt it by holding it in their hands and putting it in their mouth. No problem here. But then…

They had 5 minutes to melt it. Hands didn’t seem to work anymore, so the oldest of the three (65 years old!) opened his trousers, pulled out his d*ck and STARTED TO PEE INTO THE LITTLE BOWL WITH THE ICE CUBE. AND THEN KEPT PUSHING IT WITH HIS FINGERS IN THERE. AGAIN AND AGAIN. AND YOU COULD SEE EVERYTHING. AAAAH!!! Then in the next room they had 5 minutes to eat ice cream and there weren’t any spoons so they ate it with their hands, and the other guy had to help him and only realised WHILE HE WAS ALREADY EATING IT that this dude who had just had his hands in his pee had already touched the ice cream AND I’LL HAVE NIGHTMARES ABOUT THIS FOREVER!!!  

Update: Yesterday (Wednesday) we got 4 naked guys sitting with spread legs on posts (one of them accidentally sat on his balls), and 3 naked women - within less than 2 hours.

Ice Cream & Ducklings

It might sound as if I'm currently super-active and spend my days outside - but no, not really. Since Friday I've finished one book, watched one movie and a few Ghost Adventures episodes as well as Trash-TV in the evenings. And yesterday I went on a short morning walk up the hill. The view was spiffing so I decided to take some pictures.

But today I wanted to be really lazy. Just Ghost Adventures, a nap, next book, another nap,... But my grandma texted me to ask whether my little sister and I wanted to go for an ice cream. Well, who wouldn't?? We're talking about ice cream!

Now I'm fat. It didn't only stay with ice cream.

Ducklings!!!!

Some Pictures I Took Today

 

 

Photos: Afternoon at the River

 

 

 

After Skype-ing with Nathan the Scot for over an hour he was sick the next day. Apparently the mere view of the Union Jack behind me for such a long time had been enough to poison him. #OOPS

My dear friends, Germany really is a well working country...

Not only am I still waiting for a letter - for 5 weeks now and I know it normally only takes about a week - but today I almost didn't get to school.

On any other day no problem, I would've just called uni that I couldn't come because of the DB, but today I had an exam in the second lesson. In a subject where we only have two marks for the whole year.

That was the reason why I had already decided last night to take the earlier train, so I'd be at school one hour before the exam.

In the morning I left the house on time - like really on time, for the first time in ages - and got to the train station at 6:30am, 10 minutes before the train was supposed to arrive.

At 6:39 then an announcement: The 6:40am train will be 10 minutes late.

5 minutes later: The 6:40am train will be 15 minutes late.

Another 10 minutes later: The 6:40am train will be 25 minutes late.

At 7:05am: no train, no further announcements

7:15am: The second train in the other direction arrived. And left.

7:25am: The next train was to come at 7:30, apparently they 'accidentally forgotten' to tell us that the train had been cancelled?! If I had known earlier, I could've called a classmate and asked her to take me along.

So I had been standing at the train station for 60 minutes just to possibly be late for my exam?!

Tried to call my mum 3x until she finally answered, and asked her if she could drive me to uni in case the next train was also late.

7:29am, announcement: The 7:30am train will be 10 minutes late...

Holiday-Feelings

Had a great afternoon with my former classmate yesterday. It was sunny and warm so we went to a near river and Andy thought it would be a good idea to try to get to the little island in the middle of the river. Problem: the water was colder than expected, the current was stronger than expected and the water was deeper than expected. But we somehow made it without drowning. And without bathing my camera.

Only one thing was not cool - afterwards I looked like the bottom of a baboon. Ouch.

143 Filme, die Du kennst, weil Du vom Bahnstreik betroffen bist

Bombastic Casting Shows

We have more than enough casting shows in Germany, including:

• Deutschland sucht den Superstar
• Supertalent
• Der Bachelor
• The Voice of Germany
• The Voice Kids
• The Taste
• Germany's Next Topmodel, etc.

By now most people who watch these shows only watch them to make fun of them on social media sites like Twitter.

So now, last Thursday was the Germany's Next Topmodel final.

The viewing figures wouldn't have been exactly good because on Thursdays the social media people are normally busy watching and making fun of Frauentausch.

But this time it was different. 

At around 9:25pm the GNTM final was suddenly interrupted because of 'malfunctions'. The TV broadcaster started broadcasting the movie 'Blind Side' and suddenly everyone was watching the film. Because everyone wanted to know when the show would continue.

Only a few minutes later there was a rumour on Twitter that the show had been cancelled because of a bomb threat (and as it turned out later the rumour was true, the bomb not.)

Until then I had not known that we have so many stupid puns with the word 'bomb' in German. The atmosphere was 'bombastic', the show was interrupted because a 'calorie bomb' had been found,... or the detection dogs couldn't find the bomb because they were distracted by all those bones in the hall.

Then yesterday was the DSDS final. The show was so boring that after only 15 minutes the first people started calling for another bomb threat...

Made in Germany

[Made - German, noun, f.; 'maggot', a small, worm-like insect larva]

My favourite heading this week, seen on some German news broadcast.

Most foreigners believe German people are extremely productive, always on time, etc... but they're wrong. This week was the 8th (and longest) strike of the train drivers' since last September, not so long ago the pilots striked as well, the next strike will be by kindergarteners,..

Sometimes it seems like everyone here is striking. It's horrible.